dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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