dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
