Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
