I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
