the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
