I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
