i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
