my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
