This is not my ceiling
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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