I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
