haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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