i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
