we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize