I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
