and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
