I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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