i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
