her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize