this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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