Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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