That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
