some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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