Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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