You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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