I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
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Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
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His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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