there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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