the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
