if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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