there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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