all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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