to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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