oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Randomize
