would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
