k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
