you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
