So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
