that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
