You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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