She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
