I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
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I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
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The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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