The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
