the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I could make wine with my vomit
Michael Bay diarrhea
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
