I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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