3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
