Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
