that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize