I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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