I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she smelled like a LAN party
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
