So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So many bounce houses so little time
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
