you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
