she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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