please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
