im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
