The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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