Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
