I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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