i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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