So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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