This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
