First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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