You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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