You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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