The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
