I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
